Practical Irony

“Out of my window is a rapid, blending and a dilute blur of present and a passing past. Inside my mind is a rapid shifting blur of present and future. Practical irony in motion."


Wrote this on the back of a Parking ticket last afternoon..while been stopped for the Protest (where some stupid university wankers protested against another set of stupid wankers.)

Strangers

People with whom you have contact every day often will not think twice about being cruel to you. They know your limits and know how to push your buttons. They know what you cannot stand and how to abuse you without doing anything obviously offensive or socially unacceptable.

Strangers on the other hand do not know any of these things about you on a personal level. A stranger will generally be nice if only for fear that you could be a barrel of gunpowder waiting for a spark to send you pacing from cubicle to cubicle with an AR Fifteen assault rifle pumping round after round into your co-workers and friends till finally you realize what you have done and turn the gun on yourself.

Strangers compose the majority of the world. If you were to simply take every man, woman and child you had ever been introduced to or known well in your lifetime, they would still only add up to an insignificant fraction of the six billion Sapienes that cohabitate on this blue and green orb. The majority of people I have encountered in my lifetime will go out of their way if only for a minute to help you out.

Onese I was staying at the my cousin's house outside of kegalle and was trying to find the mountain trecking club, I was very lost, and so I asked a man if he knew where it was. He gave me the directions and then had a short conversation about other places I should see in the area during my stay. Why he was willing to take a good ten minutes out of his day to help me, a complete stranger, I will never know. Nonetheless he did.

Strangers are an odd breed; they are unknown to us until we have contact with them. We pass them everyday in our cars or on the streets. They will hold open doors and smile at us. Make small talk help us when we are in trouble. On some occasions they may even save our lives. Firemen and police officers spend their careers putting them selves in harms way for the sake of others, ninety nine percent of whom they have and probably will never even see.

If there is only one thing you can truly count on, it is the kindness of strangers, because if you look long enough you will eventually find a person you do not know who is willing to sit down with you over a cup of coffee and listen to your problems for free. Strangers are the kindest people because they have very few preconceived notions about your personality. That is why they say, You can always depend on the kindness of strangers to buck up your spirit and shield you from danger… "A stranger’s just a friend you haven’t met.”

Wild Thoughts

The thoughts of what I am going to write down here was screaming through my mind like a de-railed train

Violent, destructive, deadly yet all seems so much in slow motion. I am feeling dizzy, I am not thinking straight. I feel like I have gulped down a handful of pills and flying a mile high. The total equilibrium of my sanity seems nothing but in utter chaos.

Where I am, where am I going.... where did I come from.. all seems nothing but hallucination. But then again, it's all seems a strange thought when you sit back and think about it.. one by one......one by one.....

Am I in dire love or deadly pain ?., or is it just a passing attraction which causes all these turmoils to bubble inside of me. In part, my self esteem and pride is taking a nose dive..... after all these years of treading this earth undaunted, how come one woman made me so unstable?

Or the point I am missing all this time is... did I find a Human being to talk too....rather than the stone walls I have made a close courtship of feelings all this time.?

Of all this time.. I only got one word that echoes throughout day and night... "Let time Solve things" ... for which I am waiting with one line circling through my mind .... " So close...yet So far"

And I find my self everyday dialing an international number.........then disconnecting.... and thinking of all the ways I can make my fingers numb !!!!!

and my mind NUMB as well.....if I can.... I wish I can...

Chapters

My head hurts, and it's not even the head that I smashed on the bed post this morning, while trying to beat my self up to my feet today morning. They always did say that love hurts.

Behind my pretty stupid looking smile, there's a thick film coating my teeth; and I can't help but run my tongue over it to see if I still have my taste buds in place. I’m not sure if it does or not, ‘cause my taste buds become extinct after a sour feeling of my self ran across me like something I have never felt in my life. Slurred words and tired eyed expressions are all that is left of me.

And I'm sure that you think it’s not your fault. It's never your fault. Nothings ever your fault. It's just me !! Stupid me going on dreaming of a better day all the while knowing I am running behind a mirage.

But when I could feel my heart beating inside my stomach, and my tongue became hot and bitter as my temples were pulsating; I clenched my teeth and thought of you.

But that's ok.. 4 days ago...in the afternoon...... I had to crawl across my living room floor because my heart broke into 317 minuscule pieces. I picked up as many pieces as possible and glued them back together with my hot glue gun, but not every piece was found; so I guess my heart will never be complete again.

How Bizzar

Streams of regret twist through my darkened soul. I see the light of reason permeate the translucent haze of my understanding but yet I still cower in the corners. Images of past defeat are the trademarks of my emotional compass. How many times have I wanted to go back? When did the resounding clamor of my promises dissipate??? why is it that I am here again??

It has often been said that hindsight brings reason into a situation. But why is that hindsight hounds me into turmoil? If reason exists in this contorted reality why can't I see it??? I can feel the vibrating chords of regrets chorus resonate in the chamber of my deep heart. I can see the blinding images of my past as they shatter the lens of my soul. Is my existence a metaphor...Is a metaphor my existence??

I see the actions which have driven me to the edge. I can nearly taste the tears upon my lips. Will a clinical diagnosis provide solstice? I doubt. Nothing more. The logical progressions of ideal experiences are intoned in my consciousness. But why can I not follow in the path of such logic? Why must I praise self-destruction like a golden calf? Even sleep deprives me of the escape it once provided. Dreams spit the cold venom of failure into the eye of sub-conscience.

I love, I hate, I rage. Extreme emotions breathe the steady flow of life into the lungs of my mind. Introverted analysis paints a picture of mental calamity. Extroverted expressions wrath the canvass of reputation with the dark brush of insanity, dripping with the black ink of Never Forget. How many visitors to the museum of my soul leave wanting a refund? How often are the painting in my gallery scorned??? Life is...Life was.. Life will always be...

The Usher will seat you now!