Over Worked - Under Paid

Racism

2010-04-20T21:29:00.000-07:00

I have zero tolerance for bullying and harassment and make no apologies for my impatience with such narcissistic cowardice.

Racism is its own special brand and those that spew, facilitate, and proliferate this hatred are so awash in flames that they cannot help but share their misery in weak attempts to drag others into their bath of fire. As with any injustice, there are times to let things slide and times when one must resolutely stand and fight. Without question, when called for, this fight is unequivocally worth fighting.

In my short time on this planet, I’ve learned that unfounded hatred, bitterness, and resentment attracts nothing more than like minds. There exist individuals who actually believe that they can intimidate, threaten, and silence anyone they choose - and get away with it.

They thought wrong. Neither those who possess this deep-seated hatred and willingness to act on such hostility, nor those who selfishly use such dementedness for their own petty gain should ever be feared. These truly gutless individuals, who believe that endangering the health, safety, and lives of others, as if it were a game to them, do not realize that those they freely attack only become stronger and more resolute. Again, I have learned that any individual can truly be stronger than an entire lot of weak-minded fools.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery wrote, "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." It is a quote that is ironically often misused out of our own tunnel vision and frustration that others do not share our particular viewpoint or character judgment.

However, this does not dilute the truthfulness behind Saint-Exupery's assertion, for what is essential one cannot see and therefore ignorance serves as no excuse. Unfortunately, there are those whose ugly actions prove a belief in power by intimidation. With great passion, I have always asserted this can be effectively countered by the power of the people, for the pen will always be mightier.

MR and Snow White

2010-02-09T02:39:00.001-08:00

I believe it was the Bother Grim's who penned down the story Snow White.

I heard the story countless times and watched / seen it on television either with real humans or cartoons.. yadi yadi ya...

But, when I was around 16 or 17... I ran across one of my old Fairy tale books and read this story again.... and I asked my self / and the book one question which I never got the real answer to.

The Queen ... Why does she hate Snow White ?

Mirror Mirror on the wall ????? ... so, when the mirror says Snow White is beautiful.. she automatically hates the little princess ?

But WHY ? .. I mean, she was the queen right? . she had the total executive powers, the defense forces and the entire government by her side.. YET.. she hated and loathed one little girl who was beautiful than her?

So ? .. was it really about the Mirror ? Was it really about the Beauty.. or was it just plain envy of someone is / would be more popular than you?

I believe it was about jealousy and the knowledge of someone is more appreciated than you. The fear of accepting the truth had driven the queen totally mad enough in trying to kill a little innocent girl. Not once... not twice but three times she tried to kill her.

Sheer envy, jealousy, vanity and the fear of accepting the truth of people which is portrayed by the Mirror.

________________________________________________

For all this time, I had my doubts on all the stories I heard as well I preached over here in Elakiri as well.. But from last night.. I know Mahinda had lost the elections ..

This guy had gone absolutely wild and crazy now. Blinded by the pure rage and hatred of knowing that he's clinging onto something that does not belong to him.

Its just sad to see this idiot had dragged back our countries hard earned democracy to the level of Taliban's !

God Vs Satan - A comical take on the old rivalry with modern touch at the end.

2010-02-09T02:38:00.000-08:00

Sure, as I said, this going to be a sort of FUN.. a sort of a inspirational story from someone else that I try to cut down and remix for the sake of all readers. But I do promise that this is going to be fun if you are a sort of a person who looks at things without coloured glasses and........of course someone with a sense of humor

And I have a feeling that this can be one of those ROTFLMAO's if you read till the end and try to understand the whole sarcasm behind it

Kicking off;

According to Christianity, Satan is the epitome and embodiment of all evil things, described as "the father of all lies" in the Catholic Church's Catechism (paragraph 391). It is his works that tempt humans into doing bad deeds. If something evil occurs, we can be assured that Satan had something to do with it.

According to Catholicism, Satan only exists because God allows him to This raises some serious issues about how righteous God can be if he allows evil to exist, but I digress. Satan, as the story goes, began as the angel Lucifer, who outrightly rejected God and rebelled against him. God cast Lucifer and those who followed him into Hell, a place of eternal torture and despair, where God was not present.

Like any good propaganda machine, Christian authorities have made sure to limit the discrimination of information on the enemy (Satan) to what they want the public to know.

For example, we are never told why Satan rebelled against God. We're never given his side of the story. Were Satan's reasons for rejecting God and attempting to overthrow him legitimate? From where I'm standing, they could certainly be considered valid if the authorities see fit to hide them from the general public.

For example, the Catechism of the Catholic Church, the book that outlines Catholic beliefs in detail, has barely half a column in its index devoted to Satan and information on him, where as Jesus Christ has a full 6 pages! Sound like a propaganda machine to you, yet?

Christian authorities have made some big mistakes with their anti-Satan propaganda machine, however. Since there is so little information available about Satan, there is no record of anything he's done or any way to connect events to him.

A good example are the events of September 11. Within weeks, a doctored picture was floating around the internet showing Satan's face in the clouds of smoke and debris eminating from the two towers, thus unfairly making Satan out to be responsible for these tragedies.

Satan vs. God

The only evidence we have to conclude Satan's utter evil is God's word, and frankly, God's word isn't worth too much.He's shown a remarkable inconsistency in his actions and words, and he's hardly above lying or dishonest conduct.

God lies to prophets. Why should anyone take his word at face value if he has no problem with lying to us for no reason other than to have an excuse to condemn us to Hell?

Who's more evil? God or Satan? How can we determine this? Well, it's a simple matter of looking at the actions of both God and Satan. Who's commited more evil acts? Who's done more harm to humanity? Who's been the most oppressive? Is Satan really as bad as the Christian Smear Campaign makes him out to be? Let's find out...

God

•God takes away Adam and Eve's eternal life, thus commiting the first murder, and holds their descendants responsible and visiting Adam and Eve's punishment down on their children. In today's moral standards, the sins of the father die with the father.

•God destroys all life on Earth in a great flood, except for a drunk (Noah) and his family, for failing to worship him.

•God's tenth plague upon the Israelites was the unjustified murder of all firstborn sons in Egypt, which undoubtedly included little children.

•Before sending the plagues to Egypt, God "hardened Pharaoh's heart" so that he wouldn't let the Israelites go, so he could have an excuse to visit horrible plagues upon them, like boils, killing cattle and murdering all firstborn sons. (Exodus 4:21)

•God orders the Levites to kill their "every man and his neighnor" for worshipping another god. This cost 3000 lives. (Exodus 32:27)

•God sends a plague to the Israelites, apparently feeling that mass-butchery wasn't enough of a punishment. (Exodus 32:35)

•God kills Onan for refusing to impregnate his late brother's (whom God also slew) wife and instead "spilling his seed on the ground." (Genesis 38:8-10)

•God kills the entire populations of Soddom and Gammorah (again, including women, children and infants) for practicing certain sexual techniques.

•God gives all Philistines hemorrhoids in their pubic areas. (1 Samuel 5:9)

•God kills over 50,000 people for looking at an ark. (1 Samuel 6:19)

•God kills 70,000 people because King David decided to have a census. (1 Chronicles 21:7-14)

•God approves of slavery, and instructs owners to beat their slaves. (Proverbs 29:19)

•And, finally, God makes sure that if you are guilty of even the smallest transgression, you shall suffer endlessly for all eternity, following a dramatic homecoming for Jesus, who will be extremely pissed off at everyone for putting him to death, even though it was just the Romans and even though he knew what was going to happen beforehand, and he could have easily avoided it by using his power as God to perform a miracle and prove who he was. (See the entire book of Revelation)

Satan

• Satan, like Prometheus, gave knowledge to humanity by giving Eve the fruit from the forbidden tree. Because of Satan, humanity gained knowledge of good and evil, according to Genesis. Since we couldn't have possessed knowledge of good and evil before eating the fruit, Adam and Eve couldn't have known that eating the fruit was evil, so it seems a little harsh to punish them as severely as God did. Satan gave humans true capacity for moral judgment, unlike God, who simply expected everyone to mindlessly obey his orders.

•There is no biblical record of Satan engaging in the murder of torture of any human being, unlike God, who is guilty (and proudly guilty) of commiting genocide.

•There is no biblical record of Satan ever ordering someone to kill someone else, unlike God, who has repeatedly demanded the deaths of those who commit even the smallest of offenses.

•Satan will not be holding a massively dramatic ceremony full of blood and death for the return of his son to Earth. God apparently will.

It doesn't take a mathematician to add up and compare God and Satan's respective body counts. God has, after all, killed billions of people in a great flood.

Satan never did anything like that. What was the only thing Satan did "wrong"? He rebelled against God, but wouldn't you? Look at what kind of a God he is! He needlessly murders people in nearly every book and passage of the Old Testament! He created an entire race of people for the sole purpose of catoring to his own ego, and then gets mad when we don't live up to our appointed role in life or question one of his decisions! He is a ruthless, dictatorial, narcissistic, sociopathic mass murderer.

If I go to Hell for not worshipping him, so much the better. I'd rather spend eternity with Satan, someone who hasn't treated the human race like disposable garbage, someone who has given knowledge to humanity rather than trying to suppress it.

It's time to stop this needless slandering of Satan's name. Satan has done nothing to deserve it. He hasn't killed anyone, publicly exonerated slavery, demanded our worship or threatened us with eternal damnation for not doing his bidding. It is God who is guilty of all these crimes. Satan's done nothing but rebel against a repugnant unjust authority figure, and he gets eternal damnation and association and blame for all evil on Earth!

Satan stood up to an all powerful narcissist who made it clear that he never would change his mind on any issue. The Christian Smear Campaign toward Satan is completely unwarranted. Maybe, before criticizing Satan, they should look at the God they worship.

Is Satan really a bad guy? Certainly not in comparison to God. In fact, I'd much rather have Satan running things. He just can't be worse than God.

The loss of democracy

2010-02-09T02:36:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen

Please be kind enough to note that from the dawn of January 27th, 2010, we as Sri Lankans do not live anymore under a Democratic rule of government.

Some may jeer me for the sheer warmth of supporting the winning party., but do note that the effect of this hostile take over and banishing the basic rights of every free human in this country will take it's toll in time to come.

Mark my words ladies and gentlemen, This is the beginning of the next Robert Mugabe and this is the beginning of the formation of a new Zimbabwe.

Mark my words again., before the end of 2010, the US$ will hit close to 160 rupees and the unemployment rate will hit more than 30% - 32% . The crime rate will skyrocket just as well with the price of commodities !.

May lord have mercy on our souls ! and our land !

Different Eyes

2009-11-17T22:27:00.000-08:00

Different eyes tell different lies
Running blindly into their blind graves
These guns can not save
Scapegoating; our disguise

These mass graves tell the fable
Opened by bended labels
The bird of revenge must fall dead on the ground
Sea of freshly burned ashes be parted
Shot down in the war it started

Shame on you both
This is not my justice!

The chicken and the egg; who made claims of superiority before
Who came first, it matters no more
For now they are both the last!
Join over the place where there bodies lay
Side by side
Blood now shared

Shame on you both!
This is not my justice!

Different eyes tell different lies

To see the face under the mirror
Always opposite of what it seems
Parasites of bitter dreams

Underneath this carnage land
Where slain bodies float on poisoned lakes
Blood and bullets seep into the skin of fake

Different eyes tell different lies

Up above the two the fight
Propaganda tells them they are right
Down bellow hides only one

Motive- what horrible things can I have done?
My precious ego loves this ugly work

To get on top
Climb up the bodies one by one
The fat ones fall the hardest
Smothered under fruits of good harvest
As we look up at the holy guild
Let us know them by what they have killed!

The trees of disease, grown in graveyard soil
Yell “Divide and disown’ there roots are still loyal
To the pilgrims who planted them; their fruits to fuel the war
But still no one remembers what they were fighting for!

They swallowed drugs of ideologies gone wrong
To place their acts in good hands
Then happily tarnish and ransack the land
And those who move away from the battle in gypsy caravans
Only hesitate to join because they are to weak to meet the demand

Your inquisition is quite un-unique

Hold on to your mind
You’ll soon be forgotten
Keep your army at home
Your originality will be desperately appreciated
Do this, I plead; end this everlasting war
Or every man must have his own blood on his door!

Agent of Chaos

2009-11-16T04:20:00.000-08:00

It is said that it's written on the heavens that each mortal should control his/her own fate, but sometimes that isn't so. Sometimes a small change in the timeline can create a great change for all. It is said that some things are meant to happen and some things can't be prophetised.

Not even the wisest of men can see into the future clearly, not even their calculations nor magic can foretell the future. It is changes like these, that decide the coming victor....of good, or of evil. The sleeping shall perish, the awake shall fight and the wise shall remember...if they survive. No man or woman can foretell the future....

~Soul wrought of Terra corrupt,
I am the darkness which engulfs
the light,
I am the being who will plunge
your soul into an eternal night,
for now you must fight,
fight the darkness with all of your might,
in order to save your soul from
darkness and stay in the light

I am.... I am your Agent of Chaos~

Fantasy literature.. nothing to do with a real life situation or any other personal events

Why Judge when you can Love - Limitless

2009-11-15T23:10:00.000-08:00

We judge people every day, whether we know them or not. It is not always a conscious action, but more often than not, we judge everybody we see. If we see a person walking down the street, wearing all black, with black makeup, immediately we may think to ourselves, “Oh, look at that gothic freak show, wonder what Mommy and Daddy did to mess that poor child up?” We do not know them but just by their appearance we think we know how this person acts or thinks.

We judge our friends and family constantly. A friend may admit that they have a drug problem and rather than look at the issues behind the cause the first thought is not, “How can I help them?” but instead, “How did they become to weak willed?” We judge people without trying to understand them.

I have seen and experienced the worst judgments between parents and children. I remember coming home in seventh grade, and presented my father with a score on a test, that I was very proud of. I walked into his bedroom and said, “Dad, I got a ninety seven on my maths test.” He looked at me and said very seriously, “So, what’d you miss?” This response was like a dagger in my side. He did not care that I received the highest grade in the class, he did not care that I had received good marks on a test in a class I had been doing rather poorly in. He only wanted to know why I did not do better. I, being in seventh grade did not know how to deal with my anger toward his reaction, so I let it boil inside of me and heaped it together with all the similar events. I released my anger on the rugby field, or the Badminton Court. Although it seemed an effective method of releasing my built up anger I realized that it was only a temporary cure.

Judging those close to you can cause turmoil in relationships, cause friends and family to build resentments of which you may be unaware. Then, one day when you least expect it, you make one off-handed comment and they fly right off their rocker and they start to scream or they hit you across the face. Communication is important in a relationship. It may often be difficult to stop judging people but one must try to stop when they catch themselves doing it...

War

2009-11-12T22:26:00.000-08:00

As I walk through the rubble
of what once was a great church
hearing the echo of dying hymns of the past
The smoldering debris
Of a once so sophisticated civilization

As I turn the corner to what once was a school
The once so noisy courtyard, eerily silent
With the touch of death settling upon it

Technology leads to power
Power leads to greed
Greed creates resentment
Resentment breeds hate
Hate Breeds war
War breeds destruction

Cynical sanguine

2009-11-11T22:35:00.000-08:00

All beings of humanity are simple-minded and ignorant. Short-sighted, confused and oblivious. By definition, we are all idiots, and denial of and oblivion to our own idiocy is further idiocy in itself. My own growing up was the process of learning and personally coming to terms with this, the plain truth of the world.

Humanity are, arguably, a step up from animals, intelligent enough to come up with all matter of invention, and appreciate an awareness of themselves and the capacities of their brains; but not intelligent enough to seek anything worth seeking, and always working towards their own destruction. Many millions of years before the world becomes naturally uninhabitable, we will have died out, killed ourselves out, committed suicide in our own idiocy. What will become of the world? How many millions upon billions of years will the universe drift on, lifeless, until some miraculous occurance again chances the development of some doomed, idiotic lifeforms, or perhaps, an optimist might imagine, one more intelligent than us humans, to live out their life without meaning, to be for the simple purpose of being? It is not worth the time of day to ponder these things, and my intention is not for you to contemplate such an irrelevant matter.

In the days of our youth, we are presented a simple, idealistic world, perhaps in the hopes that these lies will install in us all some hope, some faith in humanity that may last us through our adulthood, for the better of the world, for progressing, more meritorious generations, and for a brighter future. Of course this is an unrealistic notion. All this dies out in our education, as we naturally collect knowledge from those around us. We lose hope in anything but ourselves, and many of us, in ourselves. We reach for whatever we can, searching for some purpose. Some cling to money, some to religion, some to further education, but in the end nothing is achieved, and we simply live out our lives as any other meaningless creature on this earth. But, I am becoming derailed.

I do not see myself as a pessimist. One who, by definition, sees the worst in everything, is incapable of believing in things good; I believe myself to simply be a realist. I see things as they are, and as they are, there is little good to be seen. However, I do not see this as cause to despair. I am positive of nature. Not an optimist, believing in the general goodness of mankind, that justice will always be achieved in eventuality; I am simply a critical sanguine. I see the world for what it is, deal with it, and find a happiness not in reality, nor in unreality, in dreams, ideals or hopes; simply in itself. Happiness can only be found in itself, if it is to be in any way true. Happiness in anything else is a careful construction of lies. But in a world of ignorance, it is arguable that there need be little differentiation between such false happiness and true happiness. I suppose it comes to personal preference, and I have made mine clear.

If you are under the impression by now that I view myself as superior to rest of the human race, or even a large majority of it, I would like to make it clear right now that this is by far, a false assumption. I see all the world as equally stupid. Not necessarily in the same way. We all have strengths and we all have flaws. But in weighing up, we are all as stupid, in one way or another, as each other, myself included.

My intention was just to share with you my own view point of "things". which includes many of the mortal things as well as how I see GOD and all it's cumulative conspiracies. Every human on this earth has a story to tell, however effectively they can tell it. None is more worth hearing more than any other, and this is not of particular relevance or importance to yourself.

These things are simply to be written for the sake of being written, just as we live for the sake of living and must find happiness for the sake of happiness. It’s a story of learning by the primitive process of trial and error. Defining existence by the process of elimination, abolishing all foolish belief in the significance of concepts such as sentiment and spirituality in defining the meaning of life.

Of course the clear and logical solution is that there is no meaning, as I feel I have already effectively established.

But I highly doubt this as any simple minded male ignorance either...

Unspoken

2009-10-18T22:51:00.000-07:00

I am the voice unspoken,

The song without words,
I am music without notes.
I am faceless, featureless…

“Bleed me dry”
I whisper to dry hearts,
“Take my life”
I taunt with my eyes.

“Take it all”
You know the truth of it…

”Kill me here”

How about pissing blood?

2009-08-03T03:46:00.000-07:00

Yeah... How about it? ... you pissing blood instead of urine for 6 full days? ... sounds like buckets full of fun eh?.. Fucking Doctors !!!

Let's not get ourselves ahead of the drama here.... let's start with the point Zero and onwards.

I had to go to the hospital with my mother (yeah.. I am still pretty much a mum's boy at times) .. and frankly, I had to sit in the midst of hundreds of people with all sort of sickness for nearly 2 extra hours because that fricking good for nothing douche bag of doctor is late.

Ok, let's say I waited with my mum.. while she was comfortably sitting in the car with full A/C on, I had to stay in the Que for her... now, that being served and she was attended by the doctor after all that time... there I came back to drop her ! .. on my way, I felt a minute chill running up my legs and my mouth getting sour... the signs of an impending fever.

I told my mum I am getting something bad.... but didn't mind.. dropped her home... came to my place and.... I simply couldn't even get up the stairs... I simply collapsed on the stairs and stayed there for nearly half an hour gathering strength to move on... that fever shit really hit my crazy hard and so damn quick it just amazed me.

Great.. I am down with an incredibly hard and sever fever, of course this time there was two adorable people around me to attend to me and see to me all the time... but it didn't make the pain any lesser !

But it's not all... god has more for me. Cause I have been a bad fucking boy last year and Christmas is coming early or something...... to top all that.. left side of my face was swollen with a toothache. .. OOOOHHHH>>> FUUUUCK ! ... that hurt !

So, went to the Dentist.. showed him what type of medication I am on.. and he gave me an incredibly powerful pain killer to subdue the pain. The first three dozes was FINE and it completely took away the pain.... but on the second day it hit me.

I woke up with a sever headache ... and started pissing BLOOD instead of urine .... JUST BLOOD.. and could not breath ! I was rushed to a hospital.. and the diagnose is...

MEDICATION POISONING !

The antibiotic which was given to the fever and the painkiller had collided and poisoned by entire blood system ! ... so much poisoned that it had swollen the right hand side tube of my lung's air passage. So in short.. I was breathing from my left lung and the I cannot Exhale from my right lung.

Trust me.. that was shit painful.. and was a crazy nightmare !.. I simply just could not exhale what I have inside my lungs... and to make the matters even more beautiful.. I was pissing my pints and pints of blood ! (later found out that it's one of the most dire tactics of the body's defensive function to detoxificate the blood)

Spending 11 days in the hospital was no holiday ! ... that was just complete shit ! and each of the doctors who treated me at first tried to get away from their responsibilities and shy out on me..but on the third day when I had enough strength to talk a few sentences the first thing I did was to call both of them and said a few things ! .. few things such as "If I die.. my father will sue you... but if I survive, I will still sue you.. but trust me, you don't want to mess with my father at any cost !"

Anyways, I am back ! .. after 14 days to work.. still having problems breathing and get's hit with a massive headache once in a while !

For the love of music

2009-06-11T04:12:00.000-07:00

Old timers are making a come back ! .. and they are doing it big time!

I am talking about the music business of cource.

From Lionel Richie, Michal Jackson to Biggie (Notorious B.I.G), are making a come back with a big bang and undoubtedly with vengeance for all the time they lost.

My heart just melted listening to the beautiful voice of Lionel Richie doing "Just go..feat Akon"... It was one of those voices which kept me going through my adolescent years. "Party all night", "Around the world", "Say you say me" .. are some of those songs which are etched into the most deepest part of my memory as beautiful, gorgeous and amazing songs which got me through from morning to night !

Richie did try it out with Enrique some time ago.. but obviously it didn't work out.... of cource I still have my own reservations on "WHY" did he have to join up with Akon to produce new music? Lionel Richie's voice is one of those I consider as pure and incredibly toned with age and experience. He would have coughed and still made it sound beautiful. Lolz !

Taking a look at the new Album... of cource I see it as one of the best of his career to come out. It got some fascinating songs with incredible harmony and a pure treat to R&B & Soul music.

Not following far behind !... The Spokes person for the people who cut off their noses to spite their faces !..

Wacko Jacko ! .. although the whole world seems to throw slanders at this guy's life... non can ever say anything against his voice and music !

The new single (again featuring Akon) "Hold My Hand" ... just brilliant !.. one of those real eternal love songs which will live in the annals of music lovers to refer when you need to make that special request to the girl you love... to say how much you love her.. and to say how much you want her to hold your hand !

I don't know whether it's a Jinx when it comes to Akon, every song this guy butts in seems to be a masterpiece of work. Although.. again, I still say Michael could have done the job single handedly with his amazing voice and music without another nigger hanging by !

So, yes...I am waiting with great anticipation till this album comes up ! .. no Rapidshare or Torrents for this one... This album ... I am going to BUY THE ORIGINAL paying a thumping amount. It's not for the money.. but the love of those two great musicians. (Already bought Lionel Richie's' album)

Next in line.. Biggie.

I don't know whether it's the new film or just his music got some revitalization all of a sudden.. but the dead man walking seems to be doing great now adays.

I remember bounsing to "Hypnotizing" way back in my school days.. and my friend "Gayan" and I use to refer on each other as "papa and puff" .. (maaan.. those were the days)

I don't know if you chaps will trust me, but I can actually lipsync to "California love- Dre" , "Hypnotizing and Notoriouse-Biggie" those days. Though I can never sing even if my life depends on it... I still could lipsync with em !

His lyrics were hype..while 2 pacs' were the real deal ! .. but, being the man I was, I hailed Biggie. Yes... the greatest rapper to be alive.. closly contested by 2 Pac and Buster Rhyms !

Yep.. Buster Rhyms.. the fastest rapper in the world next to Rebel XD of Born Thugs and Harmony! .. and it's no wonder that no one can imitate any of his song.. lolz !

And I am sure many people who had followed my posts in this blog and in Elakiri might have never though I know so much about Rap music eh?... HELLZzz yeah I know ! .. I may look like one of those faggot ass upright dickheads.. but when it comes to knowing about the things I love.. duuuuude.. I know than the Wiki.

So, yes... other than my boring obesssion on R&B, Soul music... I love Rap .. but Rap from the likes of Born Thugs & Harmony, Busta Rhymes,2 Pac.... and of course Notorious Biggie.

Anyways.... I love to hear all those old voices coming back into the scene.. and showing these new kids on the block of how Rap is suppose to be...how R&B is suppose to sound like.. and how your voice suppose to woo people rather than screaming their socks off !

If my world to be perfect... I want another three people to make an entry to the music scene again.

1. Eric Clapton
2. Kenneth Babyface Edmond
3. Michal Bolton

And for me to die happily with a smile on my face.. I want to see a song with all these three people... with Eric Clapton on Music, Kenneth Edmond on Lyrics and Michal Bolton on Voice ! ...................maaaaaaaan.. that will be the benchmark for heavenly music !

Eric Clapton

Kenneth babyface Edmond

Michael Bolton

How much does a bus ride cost?

2009-05-29T02:30:00.000-07:00

So.. actually.. how much does it cost?

I remember when I was little and the schooling days, I loved going in the big red double decker bus which went from Maharagama to my school.

Although I was just walking distance of 10 minutes from my school, I deliberately went with my father a round trip of nearly 30 minutes to get to the High level road and catch the 6.45 red double decker bus to school... which took another 40 minutes to get to school.

So, in short, when I could have slept a bit more and leave home at 7.15 to school..... I left around 6.15 almost a 30 Km's round trip just to come in the double decker bus with my friends !

Let's come to the present time.. as of Yesterday.

There was I, rushing to meeting with my client which we set up at 9.30 to meet up in my office (with my boss as well) .. and I had to make a little de-tour to pick up a package in Dehiwala.

10 minutes on the Galle road towards Colombo.. what did I see?.... A BIG FUCKING RED DOUBLE DECKER ahead of me !

Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa............DUDEEEE.. I gotta ride this damn thing I thought.

So, I overtook the bus... raced ahead for about 5 minutes and stopped as Wellawatta HNB car park.. got out and Gave 500/- bux to the guard there and told him to keep the car and will be back in 1 hour.

When I finally came to the road... SHIT.. the bus had skipped the red light and over taken me... So took a trishow 150/= to catch the bus. Got in and went straight to the upstairs seats.

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan..... I loved every damn second of it !... took me back nearly 10 years and was swimming in the memory lane of events. Made a total ass of my self cause I jumped from seat to seat.. and at last was standing on the front of the bus enjoying the view.

Even waved at everyone going by (people might have thought I am really fucking nuts)

Got down from Pettah... took a cab back to HNB which costed around 800/- bux and went to office 2 hours late !

2 hours late and to meet a furiouse and fuming boss cuase I stood him up and the client. Had to listen to another 2 hours lecture and blasting !

The cost of the bus ride of 1450/- .... 2 hour delay and another 2 hours of blasting.

But... HECK !

Loved every second of the bus ride

I don't care

2009-02-19T23:17:00.001-08:00

Women complain that men don’t understand them. That’s true but they don’t understand men any better.

Men don’t care what colors go with what. What damn difference does it make? Men figure if they have a shirt and a pair of Jeans on they’re dressed. They don’t match their wallets to the clothes and they don’t necessarily match the socks or their underwear with it. That’s optional for Gay men.

Men don’t put the toilet seat down. That’s very true. They do put it up before taking a piss, most of them. Now, that’s being considerate and men get no credit for it.

Men are NOT obsessed with watching sports. Men would watch a bikini contest as their first choice. It’s true that men would watch bikini clad babes playing beach volleyball as a first choice even if it comes to sports ....even over Rugby and Soccer.

Men are obsessed with their “vitality”. They MUST be. That’s why we’re all here. If it was up to women to decide on re-producing humans would have died out after the original pair. Men are just concerned about the future generations as in there being one. Come on.. we are just trying save the human race by generating (so to speak) babies .

The difference between men and women is that women want men to understand them no matter what signal they’re using at the time while men don’t even know they’re being signaled.

Petting the Doggie

2009-02-19T22:34:00.001-08:00

A true story.. again !

Uncle... uncle... can I pet your Doggie ?... does she bite ? .. she looks so cute !

Sure kiddo ... She bites .. but you can pet her nevertheless........that is depending on how much you want to use that hand afterwards for anything else in life !

:-)

You don't want to fight with me

2009-01-23T04:08:00.000-08:00

You don’t want to fight me.
I’m not what you’re used to.
A rebel; I don’t follow
Your PRECONCEIVED notions of my kind.

I live in Your World.
I know how it works.
Cause and Effect.
Crime and Punishment.
A balance maintained.

I know how YOU work.
Your mind,
It ticks in tune with mine,
The beats of our hearts
Are synchronized.

I am the Effect to your Cause.
I am the Punishment to your Crime.
You and I are THE SAME.
Linked.
Because in Our World
A hero is only a villain that plays for the other side.

Happy Entry

2009-01-19T21:46:00.000-08:00

According to some cynical commenter .. :-) I can't write happy stuff... tut, tut.. what a load of ox crap. I can write many many happy things. Just see for your self.

Muse:

I've always wanted a happy ending.

When i was younger, I went to bed with stories of princesses in pink dresses, even though I hated pink. but the princesses had 'happily ever after and found 'true love'. There was 'magic' involved, and in the end, everyone was 'happy'.

The only thing out of those I still believe in is that everyone gets a happy ending.

Don't make me lose my faith in that. please. But I doubt you can make me loose it either.

However, I remember my favorite shirt used to be perfect.... when I was a young tad that was.

It was white and I, in a moment of clumsiness, spilled so Coca-Kola on it.

I spent hours trying to get that stain out. I washed and scrubbed and got my mum to bleach that shirt, all for nothing.

It made me realize that some stains aren't meant to come out. maybe some just can't.

..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
That thought depresses me. everyone knows happy endings don't have stains in them.

Shezzz.. so much for my happy entry !

But look at the brighter side of things, I at least understood that life's a bitch most of the time !

Nothing

2009-01-18T23:09:00.001-08:00

I know what you're thinking -- doing nothing is an oxymoron. But doing nothing, at least well, takes as much devotion and care and concentration as doing something. Doing nothing is an art as powerful as being able to sculpt, or dance, or turn a small investment into a fortune. It requires the rare ability to let go of expectations and simply embrace what is. It demands rejection of the belief, drummed into most of us in childhood, that not being busy is a sin.

Now, let us not mistake doing nothing for its whiny, ill-tempered sibling, avoidance. Avoidance is a false art, like reality television, merely a form of distraction that keeps us from achieving pure nothingness. Avoidance is cleaning the house when we're supposed to be studying for that bar exam. It's deciding to finally learn how to make Thai food at home, not because we really want to but because it puts off the looming deadline we don't want to think about.

"What are you doing?" my homies asks when they calls. "Nothing," I answer. But this is not true. I'm putting enormous time and energy into answering e-mail, or answering the call, or just simply writting. I'm not really doing anything; I'm just not doing something else, something more worthwhile in the hierarchy of somethingness. There is a difference, and it's an important one, because not understanding it will lead you astray from the path to pure nothingness.

Truly doing nothing requires accepting nothingness in its complex totality. I stretched out on the sofa watching television is not really doing nothing, I am only not doing whatever else it is he has been asked to do or ought to be doing. Like reading the paper, I am distracting himself, and the effort required to maintain that distraction precludes having a genuine experience of nothingness.
Really doing nothing requires that you commit yourself to it. You must rejoice in it unapologetically, not with fear of discovery or worry at being mistaken for a slacker but with the confidence of someone who knows what she's doing and doesn't care what anyone else thinks.

And just what does one do when doing nothing? Doing nothing, as we've discussed, does involve doing something. That something, though, is different for each of us. My nothing is not necessarily the same as your nothing, just as your something is not my something. What our nothing doing must be for it to be effective, however, is a complete break from the something we are usually doing.

For example, let's say that the something I'm usually doing is replying to emails. In my case, my nothing may involve walking to the beach and watching the waves try to change the shape of the coastline. If your something is, say, picking your nose, or pretending to be the president of the United States, you might choose as your nothing sitting on a rock counting stars, or maybe an hour or two of finger a pussy.
The point is, your nothing isn't really nothing, it's whatever your something isn't. Nothing doing is an active revolution against the various somethings we crowd our lives with, an activity (or nonactivity) we do simply because it's not demanded of us.

Just as the profundity of a musical piece is often found not in the notes, but in the spaces between them, the beauty of nothingness resides in the quiet pauses between doing. There, in the center of the storm that is most of our daily lives, true reflection can occur. It's there, in what we mistakenly call nothingness, that our lives really come into focus and we see what it is we're doing and who it is we've become.

And that is why so many of us are afraid of doing nothing. Many years ago I had read in a book which said that meditation was dangerous because it taught practitioners to empty the mind. This, we were warned, was to be avoided at all costs because if the mind were truly emptied, in that split second when all distractions were swept from our heads, Satan himself would seize the opportunity to leap in and take up residence. Once he was in there, we were assured, we were goners.

As my own disastrous initial attempts at meditation proved, Satan apparently isn't as quick as all that. He's probably too busy doing something.

Still, I fear that we've become a nation of people afraid of clearing our minds, of coming face-to-face with nothing, because we don't want to face our demons. Certainly that's what the actions of our so-called leaders -- religious, political and otherwise -- would suggest. And it's what the actions of those of us who keep those leaders in power would suggest.

I wonder, though, what would happen if we were all to engage in a little more nothing doing. Maybe, by sweeping out all of the clutter that accumulates in our heads from doing something all the time, we'd discover what's truly important in our lives. And if we could do that, then perhaps we really could make something out of nothing.

ADVICE

-- Do it tomorrow
-- Unplug or turn off the phone
-- Get horizontal (or at least diagonal)
-- Don't worry
-- Stop making lists

Hell is Other People

2009-01-18T23:08:00.000-08:00

I am not a fan of people. I truly believe that all people are either idiots or assholes until they prove themselves otherwise to me. People annoy me, vex me and simply piss me off most of the day. Whether it is my peers or my family, generally I am irritated with them. Fortunately enough, I have learned to put on a happy face as often as I can, I have learned to deal with the villainous treachery that is other people.

Most people are self centered, egoists who like nothing more than to hear the sound of their own voices. So unless you can truly catch their attention through words or actions, most people learn nothing from every day interaction with others. You must shock a person to grab and hold their attention. Unfortunately this is becoming harder and harder, people are now used to the sight of blood and gore, the do not jump at the sound of a gunshot in the distance. So one must be creative, original and sometimes more subtle and suggestive than openly expressing someone.

I say all these things about other people but I look at myself and realize that the only difference which I can find between myself and most is that I know I am being an asshole, which is okay because I know what I am doing and being self centered as I am, it serves a purpose.

Hell, the eternal fiery after life where the evil go to serve for their sins, so is this crowded planet, hell, not quite, because we are lucky enough to experience death what is after that I do not yet know. It is because we have death here that this cannot be hell but instead maybe more of a purgatory or a life to be judged so the decision can be made as where to send us next.

People are my hell, because most do not think for themselves, they simply repeat back the little they remember of what they have actually been told. They tell me that Osama Bin Laden is evil and should be killed, but when I ask what he did that deserves death the response is usually, ".uhh, well he was bad." People are ignorant, idiotic, moronic, closed minded, automatons who have the uncontrollable urge to speak at every opportunity. Not that I am any better, I simply understand what I am doing and why it makes other people my own personal Hell.

The Evil Telephone Booth - Story :-)

2009-01-18T23:06:00.002-08:00

We were wandering through the junkyard searching for a some old rags which could be used while painting my house.. when I saw a beautiful black old telephone booth. I looked at my friend and asked him, “Is that a telephone booth that I see?” He looked at me oddly and said, “Yeah.” Grinning I said very sternly, “We should burn it.” He agreed.

We looked around the junkyard till we found some perfect oil soaked rags. We set them aflame and threw them at the telephone booth. The rags burned with the fury of a rag on fire but the flames seemed to have little effect on the Telephone booth. Frustrated but determined, we brought a can of gasoline and emptied the contents into the telephone booth and lit a match and tossed it in. The gasoline caught fire but when it was all said and done; the Telephone booth was simply a bit warmer than it had been.

Apparently this heat caused a strange reaction within the Telephone booth, bringing it to life. The telephone booth stood, looked at me and started to playall the ring tones. Then it ate my Friend. I came to the conclusion that this was an odd occurrence. I said, “Mr. Telephone booth , please don’t eat me, I still have so much for which to live. I am but a young boy. If you spare my life, I will help you in your conquests of world domination.” The telephone booth agreed to my pleas and we started our campaign to conquer the world.

Two weeks later, the telephone booth, whose name was ASS, was crowned supreme ruler of the earth. He was a kind and gentle ruler except for his habitual consumption of people. Most of the people he ate were simply criminals, so no one seemed to mind. He brought back gladiator fights and made people fight to the death for his entertainment. The people that lived through the fights were then eaten. As I mentioned, he was kind. He firebombed America and then gave it to me so I was the ruler of America!!!

The moral of the story is, do not try to burn magical telephone booths that you find in the junkyard while looking for a Rags. Magical telephone booth are thrown away for a reason and if they cannot burn they are probably evil telephone booths bent on world domination.

Sense

2009-01-18T23:06:00.001-08:00

People are stupid, irrational, selfish and egotistical upright monkeys. I hate people. I may like and even love some individuals, but I hate people, they are awful. As a species we specialize in destruction, of ourselves, out family, our friends, and least importantly our planet. Most important to what I want to say right now is the destruction of ourselves and others.

Many of us have issues and were exposed to chaos when we were young. Because of this we had engraved in our brain from early development that chaos (varying types for different people) is normal. We grew up believing that it is acceptable for someone to become violent with us when they are angry. We never learned to accept not getting our way, we had to have it our way and if we could not then life was over. I say all this from experience. As most of you know, I am a clean and sober, recovering drug addict and alcoholic. Because of my nature, I live for chaos, I seek it out in people I have relationships with. I seek it out with people, I do everything which can do to argue, and find peoples pet peeves.

We need to understand that chaos is not necessary, not normal, and in many cases, it is unacceptable. We need to find a balance and set boundaries, and limit's as to what is acceptable. If you learn to decrease the amount of chaos in your life, it will act circularly, the less you have, the less chaotic people will be drawn to you and hence, less chaos.

I love chaos, I love it like their is nothing else in the world to me, but I am a very dangerous and unstable person with a disease of the mind and body. So I beg you to be prompt and decisive about the things you do and not let them escalate into life and death situations.

Addiction

2009-01-18T23:05:00.001-08:00

I was having a chitter chatter along with one of my friends about sex and rejuvenation of one's self. While "she" proposed the fact that sex should be private and to be "FELT" not talked about., I differ.

For I feel, rather than "detailing" about anyone's sexual encounters, you can damn well speak about it. So I submerged my self in yet another Transcendental Meditative states and wrote about the so called "my addiction"

Addictions fall into two categories:

Substance addictions - such as food, drugs, alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine

Process addictions - such as TV, compulsive exercise, anger, obsessive thinking, controlling behavior, and sex.

Sexual addiction, or using sex addictively, is like any other addiction: it is using something or someone to fill you up or take away your pain. Whether you are sexually addicted or using sex addictively depends upon the frequency with which you use sex to fill yourself up or take away your pain.

Pain should not be misunderstood as any sheer pain we feel physically., it's the pain for Natural drive to reproduce which is opted to out-pour as a sense of pain in our mind. Or in many of my sub-conscious feelings, I feel the pain I am referring here would be the pain of loneliness or lack of attention.

Obviously, there are many different levels of sexual addiction. Sexual addiction, like all other addictions, comes from the empty wounded part of ourselves.

The ego part of ourselves - our wounded self - learns throughout childhood and adolescence various ways to attempt to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. In my adolescent boy hood years, I started to masturbate, learn to use some form of sexuality to pacify my fears of rejection. . When a substance or behavior works to fill emptiness, take away loneliness, get attention or avoid pain, it often becomes an addition.

Identifying my self with most of the above, I seriously consider that I am using sex to avoid personal responsibility for my own feelings. While it may make me feel good for the moment, in the long run I understand that it lowers my of self-worth. Anything I do to pacify myself rather than take responsibility for thinking and behaving in ways that enhance my positive sense of self, is self-abusive and self-abandoning.

It would be akin to telling a child to watch pornography or masturbate when the child is feeling like taking a piss, rather than attend to the child's real needs. When you use an addiction to pacify your painful feelings rather than attend to them, you are abandoning yourself - your inner child.

So., Next time I want to act out sexually, perhaps I should stop for a moment and tune into my own feelings.

Am I feeling sad, alone, empty, depressed rejected, abandoned, anxious, scared, or angry? Instead of pacifying myself with sex, I might have to sit down and think clearly about what is causing me to feel badly and to want to act out.

I guess I have to learn how on bringing in a compassionate spiritual Source of love and comfort to fill the emptiness and aloneness.

Crescendo

2009-01-18T22:58:00.001-08:00

Time 3.15 am

Expansion of time in relativity to the theory of relativity.

Reverberating echoes of haunts seems to have completely engulfed my mind.

I sit, I stare, I wonder, I race, I stop, I go blank.........

Lack of options......Lack of options......

Lack of options seems to have numb my mind which has crept through to me during the past few weeks and has transcended into my soul.

Making me Numb.

Numb to the feelings which looking to explode out of my heart, Numb to let down a person who's waiting to hear me, Numb to the world around me.........Numb to my own self.

Numb like a charcoal gray day.

Sliver of the ghostly white curtain moved to reveal the cold sky.......the sky, Gray...gray as hard beaten solid rusted iron.

Light is dark and forward is now reverse.

Movement of the world had ceased to exist and stillness surrounds me right now.

Like a stillness of a dead body of water. The ripples once which was so happily lapping on the shores of my heart has now toned down to nothing but trickles of emotions.

Emotions which now I find hard to express, emotions so dry as the sands of Sahara.

Millions and millions of silvery arrows of pain seems to penetrate me... I hold my head down to ease out the pain.

BUT, pain is pain...and hard lesson learned.... "you cannot get away from pain"

Time 3.16 am

Nano seconds seems to be hours, hours seems to be weeks, days seems to be Ions of light years.

Pain travels at the speed of light.

Theory of relativity explained..... the hard way.

Dreams 2

2009-01-18T22:52:00.001-08:00

I sit and stare at all before me, contemplate and wonder. What does it mean? It doesn't actually matter, I should just put my head down and flow through as I ought.

But no! I shant!

I ought to bite at the hook, do what I wish and when I wish it, grab this world and make it do my bidding! But is that sane? Possible? I really don't think so.

However, a man can dream....and I do dream--and life is so lengthily short. Crying has three things--Sickness, sadness, and utter joy. I only want to experience latter yet I seems to thrive on the former !.

It's far past that, and have seen my entire existence on this confusing ball of rock. I look at the stars in the sky and wonder--

has someone called me back to the real world, the world I know, no dreams, just work.

Work. However, I constantly gaze back, gaze back to the dreamworld, gaze back to what I wish and want so dearly. However, time has told that the unattainable is within perfect reach, dreams are literally paralyzing, so I must tread softly in this unimaginably strange place.

2009-01-18T22:50:00.001-08:00

Somewhere under the rainbow
Living in life in fullest brow
We’re who we are and holdin’ on.

Somewhere under the rainbow,
Life is an absolute, faultless flaw,
Even though we just don’t have everything.

Somewhere under the rainbow,
We’re just dancin’ slow,
To the music in our hearts.

Somewhere under the rainbow
Together forever, we know –
Happiness at least, is ours.

Somewhere under the rainbow…
It just goes to show,
You really can live on love.

The poem is insipered by an event as well as another song by Joe Diffie

2009-01-18T22:49:00.001-08:00

I listen to the rain falling gently on the roof. Spreading a shimmering curtain over the world, it washes all clean. As I sit enveloped in the sound, I imagine the rain carrying away conflict and strife, leaving behind a blank slate. In my mind’s eye all evil is washed away by the ceaseless torrent of water. The rain cleanses me as well, filling my mind with a sparkling stream. As the stream wends its way through my consciousness, it carries away the cobwebs and the dust along with all emotion. As long as the rain persists, I will continue to feel nothing, to be blissfully empty. I am as a child; innocent, uncomplicated, and wondering. I will exist in this fragile state, wandering over the freshly cleaned earth, until the rain halts and the glittering waves of water finally flow out to the shining sea. However, until then I am content to let the rain wash over me and cleanse me.

Dream

2009-01-18T22:48:00.000-08:00

O unconscious splendour and fiery thought,
Burning tongues of passion eagerly sought,
Bring me sweet Elysian through Morphean eyes,
and play to me Apollo in Auroran skies.
Lift me up on Phoenix wings,
And carry me to where glorius Peris sings.
Where Mulciber sits on his throne of fire,
And in antiquity Venus brings each their desire.
Where dryads in the darkling dance,
And willingly we give into Syrens trance.
Where serindipity rules the ingle fires
And Seraph's play on gold stringed lyres.
Wake me not from my blissful dreams,
but leave me here beside viewless streams.

Crazy

2009-01-18T22:47:00.001-08:00

I balance my craze on a razer edge.
Held tightly wrapped by one finger.
Contradictory.
but waiting.......

An equilibrium between sane and insane.
My craze speaks a language
The language of unspoken tongues.
The "awes" and "sighs"

Craze prefers silence.
It thrives and rumbles.
On thoughts of ambiguity
Cut and Bleed.

Blade slashes.
Craze makes a fundamental error of judgment
Slash my finger in two
Cut...cut... and bleed.. bleed... bleed.. and die die die die die die !

Call it Bloody Crazy !

Authors note : No fingers were harmed, slashed or died in writing this poem :-)

Walk On By

2009-01-18T22:46:00.001-08:00

I walk to relieve the pain,........... I walk to be found
I walk to clear my head,............. and I walk to be profound

I walk to find myself, I walk to find help
I walk to find the innocence I once had,......I walk to find my lost soul

I walk to know how I feel.
But I am lost and find nothing

I do not get what I reach for, what I scream for

So here I am wanting more,
Reaching, hoping, tormenting, loosing &........ Lost,

FIND ME !

War

2009-01-18T22:44:00.002-08:00

Playing with matches, they burn the suburb
From the ashes, will our phoenix rise?

Dancing with rifles, we’re kissing cannons all the time
Desensitized, is it violence they love so much?

Running with scissors, they might poke out our eyes
Believes they will get a brand new sight

Edgy, aren’t they?
Finger on the trigger
Lingering on Killer instinct
Letting the bullet be the singer
And hum a song of destruction

Violent violins
Molotov melodies
Soothing the beast in them
Shredding our flesh, sharp Do-Re-Ti

Artisans of their self-destruction
Architects of our self-delusion
Partisans of radical solutions
Painting landscapes of desolation

Pain Killers

2009-01-18T22:44:00.001-08:00

Why do you need painkillers ?

To KILL pain ?

Pain is a suffering which has no static boundaries or set parameters.

Pain transcends beyond physical attributes of a person and can sink deep into the core melting point of any living human.

People in general are stupid, irrational and selfish. They inflict another person with such pain and suffering of immense magnitude without even realizing for a god damn nano second that you might be KILLING the "other" person...who is /was and will be an unlucky bastard to be at the receiving end of all.

I hate and despise such people, such people who are inconsiderate to the "other" persons feelings. I can simply write off "Those" people as a mutation in the Human Gene Pool... REMOVE THEM..wipe them off from the face of the earth.... for fuck sake ! .. such people are diluting the goodness which was evolved through millanias of evolution and fucking the human behavioral instincts and systems.

People should understand that giving "another" person PAIN is not acceptable. It's not necessary, not normal and in many cases it is totally unacceptable. Mother fucking bastards who practice this religion should understand all this and find a balance with set boundaries. Limits of what is acceptable and unacceptable.

Don't give me pain. I don't want it and I don't like it. I am neither a sadomasochist nor endorse such behavior at any given point in my life. But when you push me over the edge of buffer zone, I get violent. And when I get violent, I am not a pretty site to be around !

I love chaos, I love it like their is nothing else in the world to me, but I am a very dangerous and unstable person with a disease of the mind and a uncontrollable body when in rage. So I beg you to be prompt and decisive about the things you do and not let them escalate into life and death situations.

So leave me alone, I don't want PAIN from "YOU" and don't fucking piss me off.

But coming to the first topic " How do you KILL pain ? "

You can't KILL pain, you simply have to withstand it by all means. (without loosing your temper) or start hammering down each and every bitch and bastard in your scope of view !

A rendezvous of grim hope between heaven and earth

2009-01-18T22:42:00.001-08:00

Profound meanings of words and thoughts fly at break neck speeds and leave you standard when you hear your own heart beating faster than a derailed locomotive.

"Hi, How are you ? are you doing OK? "

The word "OK" can have many spheres of meanings. But in all retrospects of thoughts.. Yes.. I am doing perfectly "OK".

But, In a concept of a revolving world, where do we as humans stand when the third dimension of our own sanity takes a nose dive.

"I just remembered you.. etc etc...."

Oh, sure.. now only you remember me !!

Women ! ... I hate them sometimes !

Run A Mile

2009-01-18T22:41:00.000-08:00

Guns don't kill people, death kills people. Does it
really need its own parking space? That's for you to
decide. I love finding things that make me smile.

So that is your job for the day, make me smile, damn
it. I'm pissed off. I want you all to run somewhere
today.

Every time I turn on
the news, if I'm not hearing about religion,
government or war, I am hearing about how fat
everybody is. So take some action for once in your
life, turn off your computer, get up, go outside, and
run a mile.

I can wait till you get back from your run, and
if after you run that mile you feel exhausted and as
if you are about to keel over, do it again tomorrow,
and keep doing it until it is not that tiring anymore
and then do it faster, and before you know it, you'll
quit your bitching and you will feel better and look
better and have more energy and all that equals
getting laid more often by more attractive people and
that is what everybody really wants now isn't it?

And if you say you don't have the time, then I say you
are a fucked up liar. Because between the running and
the shower you will probably want to take afterwards,
it shouldn't take you more than half an hour and
everybody has 30 minutes to spare. Oh yeah, when you
are taking your run, leave your cell phones in the
house, use the time to be with yourself, I know the
idea scares most of you but it's ok to be in your head
for half an hour.

in God we (dis)Trust

2009-01-18T22:40:00.000-08:00

I sit here.. watching men and women both young and old walking pass by me. Kneeling down.. crossing their selves with the holy signature of god and might be saying "God may have peace upon me" or the worst of cases like mine ... "God dude, just forgive my sins will you mate ?"

What is god ? , what is faith ? What is destiny ? what is the sole purpose of us humans having the thing called religion ?

There's no God in this world, I seriously believe it in the core of my own prudent and stubborn self. I believe that goodness and the wickedness alike lives inside all of us at different degrees and different scales.

Humans are also stupid. I believe that. Because I am one good example ! But I see my self as a stupid brat also. Rejecting the norms of stupid humans sometimes. I believe in a thing called True Love as well...Not one night stands or banging for the heck of it.... yet to find that illusive true love, I must travel a long way I suppose. ...............but I really do believe that there's no god in this world, they are all fakes................ Fake as Fish in a fish bun sold at our school tuck shop back in school days.

Gods.. the word GOD.. represent the prime and solid weakness of our own selves as humans. What do GOD's represent... Incomparable Perfection. From Jesus to Allah to all what nots of gods that have ever roamed the illusive sub conscious minds of humans.

We cling on to the hope of perfection that we can never achieve.. and create some mighty powerful GOD whom has achieved it. The absolute perfection.

yet, to be on the safe side.....

Compadre... I have sinned. !! May his holiness the god bestow his limitless compassion upon me and salvage my soul out of the depths of hell.

Through Space and Time

2009-01-18T22:39:00.000-08:00

Across the Barren space,
Through spiteful time of vex
There is you !
And it's just sublime !

Violin - Play

2009-01-18T22:38:00.005-08:00

I sit upon my throne,
Playing my violin alone,
Such sweet sorrow, I've never thought of play,
In silence I play, without a ply

How bitter a soul, how tender a sound!
Serenity in my soul has now been found!
A lulling dream, laced in despair,
From a fearsome dark soul's own nightmare

Trapped forever, in darkened fire,
Without hope of flying any higher,
In tainted wings, I hide in sin,
With my beloved violin

The notes float desperately to the Heavens above,
Daemonic grace, a monstrous love,
Who knew I could cherish her like so?
Decadence of sound from soul of hell below

Hearing the echo's of my own sound, I recall,
The tragic day when the angel did fall,
A tear proclaims great lament within,
To separate Oneself from Their beloved kin

A noxious moment, a wretched breath,
As I listen to the sonata of my own death,
A beautiful plague infests both ears,
Upon every note that beckons

Lo and behold, a great polyphony of strings!
Enough to rip me apart with sadness,
The sounds now bind me, like horrid chains,
And you may feel the soul's pains

It is difficult to know how a soul so infernal,
Could produce such beautiful music, eternal,
Perhaps I have never lost my heart,
to produce such wondrous works of art

Look to the sky, and embrace the rain,
Listen to my eternal disdain,
See past the fire and the burning coals,
And help me to free the withered soul

Darker sider of the Moon

2009-01-18T22:38:00.003-08:00

Stress, Hate, Rage, Loneliness......ripping, tearing,
Fighting its way into my soul like an uncontrollable wild fire....

Solace I seek, but the
Bone-deep weary tiredness keeps my
Feet from leaving the road.

I'm on a dusty broken path
Strewn with broken glass and
Thorns from the Red Blood Roses
You sent behind.

If I only had the emotions
The energy to expend...

I would hate you with all of my being
But as it is, I'll just keep walking
Towards the end.

Darker sider of the Moon

2009-01-18T22:38:00.001-08:00

Domant Power

2009-01-18T22:36:00.000-08:00

“It didn’t matter, any of it, the grueling battle to retain my soul’s integrity, the long pressing down will upon desire; in moments I had gone lifetimes. All that power dormant, sleeping, only needing the detonation of a touch to trigger a chaos in mind which subservient to passion, mind’s will extinguished in body’s will.”

Performance

2009-01-18T22:35:00.000-08:00

I thought I should write about something extracting my self from the the norm. A journal of a sort about the weekend. The weekend of cource started as it should be. Saturday being a Poya Day, gave me an extra day to catch up on some sleep and be a lazy ass fagot which I always long for. (slept in my house after a long time)

I woke up the sounds of my maid cursing my Kittens. :-) .. what a lovely way to be woken up I thought. Turned around.. the bed was empty...and I sighed in depression of not seeing the slumber hit face of my GF as I used to see for the last 3 years. But nevertheless ..... nothing is gonna keep me down on this Bright sunny day !

Woke up, got a piping hot tea..kindly delivered by my (still) cursing maid. (later found that she was cursing the kittens cause they always takes the liberty in hiding in corners and pouncing at her feet). With the steaming tea on my hand and still half closed eyes... searched through the twisted bed sheets for the remote.

"Click"..."click".... FUUUCK !!!! I have switched off the TV last night than putting it into sleep. Too damn lazy to get up and turn in on..Fuck it.. reached over to the right had side bedstand and switched on my iPod which is connected to some sleek neat set of ipod dock I bought last week. .. "Strange Magic - Darren Hayes...." the music filled my room.. and I was in a transcendental meditation half way between sleep and awake.

You're sailing softly through the sun
In a broken stone age dawn.
You fly so high.
I get a Straaaaaaaange Magic !!!..../////
Got a Straaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange magic.

You're walking meadows in my mind,
Making waves across my time,
oh.. no... oh... nooo
Oh, I'm never gonna be the same again,
Now I've seen the way it's got to end,
Sweet dream, sweet dream.
I get a Straaaaaaaange Magic !!!..../////
oh.. it's just LOVE
Got a Straaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange magic.

I love that song.. I can listen to it 24x7 if I want too and still won't get bored. The melody and the enchanting rhythm is just what the doctor ordered to kick start your morning.

However, it got me thinking of many things.. especially about music. I grew up in a very stern parental background but I have been to and seen some of the extra ordinary music scenes one can ever think of. I have seen the first nervous performance on "kasun Kalhara", I have witnessed then unknown but the first superb performance of "Stigmata". I have gone around the world for work and made a point to attend the music scene in all of the countries I have been to. From 50 cent, Loyd Banks, Craig David, Rolling Stones, Madona to Linkin park, Lenny Kravitz, Aerosmith concernts I had the luck to grace.

And SLEPT ! .:-) .. as with all concerts.. they happen in the night and end around early morning. I wake up in the morning still with the beats and the thrill resonating in my mind.. I always think "what Great performance that was" and "how lucky was for me to be there to witness it" evethough I very well know that I won't ever see them live again or ever get a chance to stand and feel one of their live performances. But I am always grateful for just the sheer luck of been there to receive it.

Enlightenment !!

I turned around and saw the empty part of my bed again.

How LUCKY I was to have had her ! .. even for a short while in my life. How powerful her performance was in my life ! What a RUSH !! .. what a RUSH I get when I think about her ! Amazing human being she was. I know I may never see her again. I know I may never be with her again !

But I was such a lucky bastard to had her the time I had her !

Thanks !

Yours eyes are still unforgettable !

Ladies and Gentlemen..... let me officially announce you that I have seen the "other" side of grief and I am now out of the depth of depression I was in. :-)

Nice feeling to have !... if I want to dedicate a song to her "right now" I would choose a song from the same album of an OST from Ella Enchanted.....

"Ann Hathaway - YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE DANCING !!"

One look I was shook
And that's all it took
And now I'm open
As I walk across the room
I saw you scoping
Now I'm hoping
To get you on the dance floor
Come on ?sava?
Mon cheri amour
Let's be blunt
It's you I adore
Your mind, your body, your soul
My heart is yours
Now let's keep it real ma
You're the definition of hot appeal
From the top to the bottom
The bottom to the top
Baby you're hot hot
Come on, let's keep on dancing

And if you'll let me stay we'll dance our nights away
You make me feel like dancing
I'm gonna dance the night away
You make me feel like dancing
I'm gonna dance the night away
You make me feel like dancing
I'm gonna dance the night away
You make me feel like dancing

Practical Irony

2009-01-18T22:34:00.002-08:00

“Out of my window is a rapid, blending and a dilute blur of present and a passing past. Inside my mind is a rapid shifting blur of present and future. Practical irony in motion."

Wrote this on the back of a Parking ticket last afternoon..while been stopped for the Protest (where some stupid university wankers protested against another set of stupid wankers.)

Strangers

2009-01-18T22:34:00.001-08:00

People with whom you have contact every day often will not think twice about being cruel to you. They know your limits and know how to push your buttons. They know what you cannot stand and how to abuse you without doing anything obviously offensive or socially unacceptable.

Strangers on the other hand do not know any of these things about you on a personal level. A stranger will generally be nice if only for fear that you could be a barrel of gunpowder waiting for a spark to send you pacing from cubicle to cubicle with an AR Fifteen assault rifle pumping round after round into your co-workers and friends till finally you realize what you have done and turn the gun on yourself.

Strangers compose the majority of the world. If you were to simply take every man, woman and child you had ever been introduced to or known well in your lifetime, they would still only add up to an insignificant fraction of the six billion Sapienes that cohabitate on this blue and green orb. The majority of people I have encountered in my lifetime will go out of their way if only for a minute to help you out.

Onese I was staying at the my cousin's house outside of kegalle and was trying to find the mountain trecking club, I was very lost, and so I asked a man if he knew where it was. He gave me the directions and then had a short conversation about other places I should see in the area during my stay. Why he was willing to take a good ten minutes out of his day to help me, a complete stranger, I will never know. Nonetheless he did.

Strangers are an odd breed; they are unknown to us until we have contact with them. We pass them everyday in our cars or on the streets. They will hold open doors and smile at us. Make small talk help us when we are in trouble. On some occasions they may even save our lives. Firemen and police officers spend their careers putting them selves in harms way for the sake of others, ninety nine percent of whom they have and probably will never even see.

If there is only one thing you can truly count on, it is the kindness of strangers, because if you look long enough you will eventually find a person you do not know who is willing to sit down with you over a cup of coffee and listen to your problems for free. Strangers are the kindest people because they have very few preconceived notions about your personality. That is why they say, You can always depend on the kindness of strangers to buck up your spirit and shield you from danger… "A stranger’s just a friend you haven’t met.”

Wild Thoughts

2009-01-18T22:33:00.001-08:00

The thoughts of what I am going to write down here was screaming through my mind like a de-railed train

Violent, destructive, deadly yet all seems so much in slow motion. I am feeling dizzy, I am not thinking straight. I feel like I have gulped down a handful of pills and flying a mile high. The total equilibrium of my sanity seems nothing but in utter chaos.

Where I am, where am I going.... where did I come from.. all seems nothing but hallucination. But then again, it's all seems a strange thought when you sit back and think about it.. one by one......one by one.....

Am I in dire love or deadly pain ?., or is it just a passing attraction which causes all these turmoils to bubble inside of me. In part, my self esteem and pride is taking a nose dive..... after all these years of treading this earth undaunted, how come one woman made me so unstable?

Or the point I am missing all this time is... did I find a Human being to talk too....rather than the stone walls I have made a close courtship of feelings all this time.?

Of all this time.. I only got one word that echoes throughout day and night... "Let time Solve things" ... for which I am waiting with one line circling through my mind .... " So close...yet So far"

And I find my self everyday dialing an international number.........then disconnecting.... and thinking of all the ways I can make my fingers numb !!!!!

and my mind NUMB as well.....if I can.... I wish I can...

Chapters

2009-01-18T22:31:00.000-08:00

My head hurts, and it's not even the head that I smashed on the bed post this morning, while trying to beat my self up to my feet today morning. They always did say that love hurts.

Behind my pretty stupid looking smile, there's a thick film coating my teeth; and I can't help but run my tongue over it to see if I still have my taste buds in place. I’m not sure if it does or not, ‘cause my taste buds become extinct after a sour feeling of my self ran across me like something I have never felt in my life. Slurred words and tired eyed expressions are all that is left of me.

And I'm sure that you think it’s not your fault. It's never your fault. Nothings ever your fault. It's just me !! Stupid me going on dreaming of a better day all the while knowing I am running behind a mirage.

But when I could feel my heart beating inside my stomach, and my tongue became hot and bitter as my temples were pulsating; I clenched my teeth and thought of you.

But that's ok.. 4 days ago...in the afternoon...... I had to crawl across my living room floor because my heart broke into 317 minuscule pieces. I picked up as many pieces as possible and glued them back together with my hot glue gun, but not every piece was found; so I guess my heart will never be complete again.

How Bizzar

2009-01-18T22:15:00.000-08:00

Streams of regret twist through my darkened soul. I see the light of reason permeate the translucent haze of my understanding but yet I still cower in the corners. Images of past defeat are the trademarks of my emotional compass. How many times have I wanted to go back? When did the resounding clamor of my promises dissipate??? why is it that I am here again??

It has often been said that hindsight brings reason into a situation. But why is that hindsight hounds me into turmoil? If reason exists in this contorted reality why can't I see it??? I can feel the vibrating chords of regrets chorus resonate in the chamber of my deep heart. I can see the blinding images of my past as they shatter the lens of my soul. Is my existence a metaphor...Is a metaphor my existence??

I see the actions which have driven me to the edge. I can nearly taste the tears upon my lips. Will a clinical diagnosis provide solstice? I doubt. Nothing more. The logical progressions of ideal experiences are intoned in my consciousness. But why can I not follow in the path of such logic? Why must I praise self-destruction like a golden calf? Even sleep deprives me of the escape it once provided. Dreams spit the cold venom of failure into the eye of sub-conscience.

I love, I hate, I rage. Extreme emotions breathe the steady flow of life into the lungs of my mind. Introverted analysis paints a picture of mental calamity. Extroverted expressions wrath the canvass of reputation with the dark brush of insanity, dripping with the black ink of Never Forget. How many visitors to the museum of my soul leave wanting a refund? How often are the painting in my gallery scorned??? Life is...Life was.. Life will always be...

The Usher will seat you now!